You’ve seen ’em- posts about “real moms” houses, bodies, lifestyles, clothing, etc. (What real women look like in a bathing suit, What real moms’ houses look like, What real moms do during the day.)
But let me ask you this:
Is the mom who keeps her house neat and clean any less of a mom than you are?
Does the fit mom who works hard to maintain her six-pack care less about her children than you?
Does the bottle-feeding mom not want her children to be well nourished? Does the mom who only serves her children organic, free-range, hand-picked food care more about her child’s well-being?
Do the attachment-parenting moms want their children to be well adjusted? Do the homeschooling parents want their children to be well educated?
Does the working mom not want to spend time with her child? Does the stay-at-home mom contribute less to society?
Does the wealthy mom not put out as much love as you do? Does the young mom not want to take care of her child?
Does the adoptive mom not love her child as much as a biological mother?
Do other moms cheer less for their child’s successes? Do they worry less for their future? Do they cry less when their kids hurt? Do they want less for their children?
Before we cast stones, consider this: We all have our strengths, and we all have our weaknesses.
The fit mama’s workout may be the stress relief you find in a bubble bath.
The foodie’s gourmet meals may yield the same sense of accomplishment as the crafty mama’s Pinterest-worthy success.
The creative party planning mom may feel as confident in her element as the put-together fashionable mom.
A clean house may give one mom as much clarity as sitting with a good book gives another.
The working and stay-at-home moms feel equally overwhelmed and exhausted.
The breast and bottle feeding moms are both nourishing their children.
The public school mom wants her children to learn and achieve just as much as the private and home-schooling parents.
One mama’s high powered business suit is another mama’s well-worn play-in-the-mud jeans. Does that mean they don’t love their children equally?
One mama is great at doing art projects with her children and the other recognizes that isn’t a personal strength and enrolls her child in a class. Is one better than the other, or is the child still being exposed to art?
Or think of it this way.
What if the clean mom is battling OCD and envies your ability to just leave toys laying around?
What if the bottle feeding mom wanted to breastfeed more than anything but has a medical issue preventing it?
What if the skinny mom is battling an eating disorder?
What if the working mom has no other choice but to support her family financially?
Think about what insinuating that they aren’t “real” moms or “real” women does to their already fragile self-esteem.
In sharing pictures, words, thoughts about “REAL” moms, we are in fact just starting yet another mommy war. Don’t make others feel guilty because they aren’t exactly like you. Much of it stems from jealousy, hurt, insecurity, uncertainty, etc. Whatever the reason, let’s pause to consider the fact that we are all REAL moms.
Real moms want what is best for their children.
Don’t judge the crafty mom for sharing her passions in a themed birthday party and make her less of a mom by saying “real moms crafts look like this”. Don’t belittle fit active moms who have always made fitness a priority just because other moms don’t have similar body types. Don’t hate those who flawlessly keep their house clean just because that isn’t your forte. Don’t envy the stylish moms just because you prefer to go sans make-up in yoga pants. In general, the people being criticized are not criticizing you back. They don’t care what you are wearing, how much you can bench press, or what you served your family for dinner. The artistic mom doesn’t think you are neglecting your children because you can only draw stick figures.
Speaking of stick figures, supermodels are real too. No, most people don’t look like them, no, we don’t want our children solely equating beauty with the tall thin women plastered all over the media, but they are people too. They have thoughts, feelings and breathe the same air as you.
Real moms comfort their children when they cry. They feed their children. They bathe their children. They read to their children. They hug their children. They laugh with their children. They make sure their basic needs are met. They lead by example.
We are all moms. We don’t all have to get along, but can we at least accept that we are all REAL women who breathe the same air and live on the same earth? We all have children and do what we think is best for them. We all have different strengths and interests. We have different viewpoints, backgrounds, and experiences. Lets look at all mamas, all women as a team. Whether or not we agree on the big and small issues, we all have responsibilities to our children and are striving to do it right.
Type A or B, anal or laid back, helicopter or flag pole, caviar or granola, breast or bottle, skinny or plump, stretch marks or wrinkle free, young or old, working or SAHM, clean or messy, tall or short, athletic or clumsy, holistic or not, breast or bottle, homeschool or private, wealthy or poor, we are all people. We are all real.
We are all mamas, and to our children, We are the only reality they need.