What REAL MOMS look like. Are you a REAL mom?

You’ve seen ’em-  posts about “real moms” houses, bodies, lifestyles, clothing, etc. (What real women look like in a bathing suit, What real moms’ houses look like, What real moms do during the day.)real moms

But let me ask you this:

Is the mom who keeps her house neat and clean any less of a mom than you are?

Does the fit mom who works hard to maintain her six-pack care less about her children than you?

Does the bottle-feeding mom not want her children to be well nourished? Does the mom who only serves her children organic, free-range, hand-picked food care more about her child’s well-being?

Do the attachment-parenting moms want their children to be well adjusted? Do the homeschooling parents want their children to be well educated?

Does the working mom not want to spend time with her child? Does the stay-at-home mom contribute less to society?

Does the wealthy mom not put out as much love as you do? Does the young mom not want to take care of her child?

Does the adoptive mom not love her child as much as a biological mother?

Do other moms cheer less for their child’s successes? Do they worry less for their future? Do they cry less when their kids hurt? Do they want less for their children?

Before we cast stones, consider this: We all have our strengths, and we all have our weaknesses.

The fit mama’s workout may be the stress relief you find in a bubble bath.

The foodie’s gourmet meals may yield the same sense of accomplishment as the crafty mama’s Pinterest-worthy success.

The creative party planning mom may feel as confident in her element as the put-together fashionable mom.

A clean house may give one mom as much clarity as sitting with a good book gives another.

The working and stay-at-home moms feel equally overwhelmed and exhausted.

The breast and bottle feeding moms are both nourishing their children.

The public school mom wants her children to learn and achieve just as much as the private and home-schooling parents.

One mama’s high powered business suit is another mama’s well-worn play-in-the-mud jeans. Does that mean they don’t love their children equally?

One mama is great at doing art projects with her children and the other recognizes that isn’t a personal strength and enrolls her child in a class. Is one better than the other, or is the child still being exposed to art?

Or think of it this way.

What if the clean mom is battling OCD and envies your ability to just leave toys laying around?

What if the bottle feeding mom wanted to breastfeed more than anything but has a medical issue preventing it?

What if the skinny mom is battling an eating disorder?

What if the working mom has no other choice but to support her family financially?

Think about what insinuating that they aren’t “real” moms or “real” women does to their already fragile self-esteem.

AreYouAREALMOM

In sharing pictures, words, thoughts about “REAL” moms, we are in fact just starting yet another mommy war.  Don’t make others feel guilty because they aren’t exactly like you. Much of it stems from jealousy, hurt, insecurity, uncertainty, etc.  Whatever the reason, let’s pause to consider the fact that we are all REAL moms.

Real moms want what is best for their children.

Don’t judge the crafty mom for sharing her passions in a themed birthday party and make her less of a mom by saying “real moms crafts look like this”. Don’t belittle fit active moms who have always made fitness a priority just because other moms don’t have similar body types. Don’t hate those who flawlessly keep their house clean just because that isn’t your forte. Don’t envy the stylish moms just because you prefer to go sans make-up in yoga pants. In general, the people being criticized are not criticizing you back. They don’t care what you are wearing, how much you can bench press, or what you served your family for dinner. The artistic mom doesn’t think you are neglecting your children because you can only draw stick figures.

Speaking of stick figures, supermodels are real too. No, most people don’t look like them, no, we don’t want our children solely equating beauty with the tall thin women plastered all over the media, but they are people too. They have thoughts, feelings and breathe the same air as you.

Real moms comfort their children when they cry. They feed their children. They bathe their children. They read to their children. They hug their children. They laugh with their children. They make sure their basic needs are met. They lead by example.

We are all moms. We don’t all have to get along, but can we at least accept that we are all REAL women who breathe the same air and live on the same earth? We all have children and do what we think is best for them. We all have different strengths and interests. We have different viewpoints, backgrounds, and experiences. Lets look at all mamas, all women as a team. Whether or not we agree on the big and small issues, we all have responsibilities to our children and are striving to do it right.

Onesizefitsall

Type A or B, anal or laid back, helicopter or flag pole, caviar or granola, breast or bottle, skinny or plump, stretch marks or wrinkle free, young or old, working or SAHM, clean or messy, tall or short,  athletic or clumsy, holistic or not, breast or bottle, homeschool or private, wealthy or poor, we are all people. We are all real.

We are all mamas, and to our children, We are the only reality they need.

 

36 thoughts on “What REAL MOMS look like. Are you a REAL mom?

  1. Lisa @ AmateurNester says:

    I think it’s so important for women (especially moms!) to support and encourage each other, no matter what their lives look like. The idea that someone is not a “real” mom and that some people compete with each other is sad. As someone who is active in the infertility / loss community, I’d also like to add that a woman who has lost a child in miscarriage or infant loss is also a “real” mom.

  2. Michele Bergh says:

    While my kids are young adults now and one has her own children, this is such a great reminder for me, both as a mom and a grandmother. Being a grandmother has given me lots of opportunity to reflect over the choices I made as a young mom myself. No beating myself up here…I did the best I could with the knowledge and skills I had…it just would be nice to be able to redo some of my choices now that I know more. We are all real moms regardless and it’s always a good practice to avoid comparisons.

    • strollersavvy says:

      Thank you for your thoughtful response. Mother, Grandmother, Daughter, Aunt, Niece, etc- we should support one another as women. Hindsight is always 20/20- I’m sure whatever decisions you made were right at the time, and if not you can use them to learn and grow 🙂

  3. charlotte says:

    I completely agree with this post, I am one if those mums that doesn’t agree with mum shaming – all mums are strong in everything they do. We all do what we feel is best for our children and shouldn’t be vilified for doing so. All that we do is from our hearts. Thank you for drawing attention to this! X

  4. Julia says:

    I totally agree. Too often we as mother’s are held to an unattainable standard which just cases us mothers to always feel like we aren’t good enough. I love you end quote, “In a society that encourages individuality, why do we hold mother’s to a one size fits all?”

    • strollersavvy says:

      Thank you! The pressure we put on ourselves and others to be these ‘perfect’ moms is just not realistic. No matter what we do our kids will begrudge us for something- but hopefully we do more right than wrong 🙂

  5. Ruth Cox says:

    One is either a mom or not! Putting the word “real” in front of mom makes as much sense as it does to put it in front of life to represent the offline part of our lives as opposed to our online lives. It is still all “real” life!

  6. Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life says:

    Am I envious of the mom who always has a nice clean house? If we’re being honest here, yes, I am. But I also make other things a priority over a neat house. It’s always a trade off. I work full time out of the house…as long as the house is relatively clean, the rest I deal with as it comes. It is what it is. None of us are any less of a mom. We’re just different moms. Differences are what makes the world go round.

  7. winifred jac says:

    if i was on my phone right now, i’d leave you the clapping emoji. the judgement against other moms is out of control, right?! let s all love our children. the end.

  8. Julie @ Girl on the Move says:

    I have to remind myself often that what I see of others is only their highlight reel…it’s not a look behind the scenes. And so like you said, the thin mom might be battling an eating disorder, the working mom may wish she could be at home. It doesn’t help us to compare ourselves to others but our life circumstances can be so drastically different.

  9. Jeanine says:

    Love this. I agree, if we have children we are moms. Period. There’s no real, or a little bit. We are all moms. It drives me nuts people always put labels or names on others. We all do what we can, the best we can and thats that! More moms need to support each other!

  10. Jessica says:

    Wow! This was a great, simple message. Recently, I had an experience with a friend of mine who told me I needed to get my priorities straight (she was basically saying I dedicate too much time to blogging) and I remember talking to my husband about this and he was like, “WOW…she has no reason to say that to you, because she does not see all you do when it comes to your family.” I try so hard not to judge others and I have made it a point to let my friends know that I am not clique-ish nor do I engage in gossip about other friends. I believe that every single mom goes through something, every mom is different, and every mom is trying their best so why sit there and criticize them when all they are doing is “trying” ?

    • strollersavvy says:

      Oh wow, I’m sorry she said that to you. Hopefully she was coming from a good place and perhaps didn’t realize how that came off. But we really need to mind our own business and stop trying to “fix” everyone else’s mothering styles! What is best for one family is not the same for another!

  11. Bonnie says:

    It’s always good not to gudge others and this is a great reminder. All moms are different but I think we all want about the same thing for our kids.

  12. Jaclyn says:

    Well I sure ain’t imaginary or this kid wouldn’t still be alive! 😉 I started a series related to this topic, called Motherhood From Every Angle! I love featuring all kinds of different moms – thin, round, stylish, yoga pants-wearin’ – and showcasing their strengths/weaknesses – the dishes, spending quality time with their little ones, taking care of themselves. I hope you’ll check it out, I think you’ll love it! 🙂 Feel free to email me if you want to take part in it!

  13. Meredith@MommyAtoZ says:

    This is great! You’re right that there is no one “real” mom — we all have different strengths and interests, and that doesn’t mean we’re more or less of a mom. Thanks for sharing this great post at the Manic Mondays blog hop!

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